Why I Talk About Mental Health and Sleep in Motherhood
You may wonder why I am always talking about mental health when my role is to support families with infant sleep.
Here’s why.
After my second baby was born, I was not okay.
I cried almost every night, sometimes quietly in the dark so no one could hear me, sometimes openly because I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I remember looking at my babies and loving them so fiercely, yet at the same time worrying that I was a terrible mother. I felt like I was failing. Failing my baby, failing my family, failing myself.
The exhaustion made everything heavier. The sleepless nights blurred into endless days, and the more tired I became, the more hopeless I felt. Sleep deprivation magnified every fear and every doubt. It stole my joy and fed my anxiety.
And I’m not just speaking as a mother who lived this. I’m also a mental health nurse. I understand, both personally and professionally, how deeply sleep and mental health are intertwined. And I know how frightening it feels when you’re struggling and don’t know how to find your way back.
What Poor Maternal Mental Health Can Look Like
Maternal mental health difficulties are common, but they’re often misunderstood or downplayed. They can show up as:
Constant worry, fear, or racing thoughts
Feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope
Persistent sadness, emptiness, or numbness
Feeling like a “bad mother” or that your baby deserves better
Trouble bonding with your baby
Intrusive or scary thoughts
Feeling disconnected from yourself or others
Irritability or anger that feels out of proportion
Exhaustion beyond “normal tiredness”
Loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
Hopelessness or thoughts of not wanting to go on
If you recognise yourself in any of these, please know - you are not failing, you are not broken, and you are certainly not alone.
Why I’m Angry
I feel such deep anger at the way our society treats mothers.
We live in a world where women are expected to just “bounce back” after birth, as if nothing monumental has happened. But the truth is, our bodies have been through an event that in any other circumstance would be classed as trauma (no matter how calm and peaceful your birthing experience was).
Think about it: the amount of blood lost in childbirth, muscles torn, enduring hours of pain and physical strain, organs literally moved into different places, significant physiological and psychological changes. If this happened in any other circumstance you’d be hospitalised and given weeks of rest. In almost any other context, you would be considered an urgent medical patient.
But mothers? We’re sent home within hours or days, expected to recover while simultaneously caring for a tiny human who is completely dependent on us for survival. We’re told to get on with it, when we’re in one of the most vulnerable states of our lives. Physically, mentally, and emotionally we are trying to heal, but instead of being given a “village” to nurture us, we are too often left isolated, overstretched, and exhausted.
This expectation and pressure is dangerous. It feeds the shame, the silence, and the sense of failure that so many mothers carry. And it’s one of the reasons I will not stop talking about maternal mental health.
The Reality We Can Not Ignore
The MBRRACE-UK reports show us just how urgent this issue is:
Suicide is the leading cause of maternal death between 6 weeks and 1 year after birth.
Between 2019–2021, suicide accounted for 39% of direct maternal deaths in this timeframe.
From 2021–2023, mental health-related causes (including suicide and other psychiatric disorders) made up over a third (34%) of late maternal deaths.
Suicides in pregnancy or within 6 weeks after birth increased threefold in 2020 compared to 2017–2019.
These are not just statistics. These are women. Mothers. Families. Babies left without their mothers.
Why Sleep Matters So Much
Here’s the truth I’ve learned, sleep and mental health are deeply connected.
When mothers are chronically sleep-deprived, their mental health is placed under enormous pressure. Anxiety worsens. Depression deepens. Intrusive thoughts can feel relentless. Supporting infant sleep isn’t just about helping babies, it’s about protecting mothers. It’s about giving you rest, space to breathe, and the chance to recover and feel like yourself again.
And it’s not just your mind that needs sleep - your body does too.
Physical Recovery Matters Too
We don’t talk enough about the physical side of recovery. Pregnancy and birth change our bodies in profound ways, and healing takes time, nourishment, and rest.
Physical recovery support can look like:
Pelvic health physiotherapy to help with muscle repair and incontinence
Gentle movement (like walking or stretching) to reconnect with your body at your own pace
Nutritional support to replenish lost nutrients and aid healing
Hydration and iron-rich foods to support energy and recovery after blood loss
Rest and sleep - which are absolutely vital for tissue repair, hormone balance, and overall healing
Yet mothers are often denied the most basic ingredient for recovery: uninterrupted rest. Instead, we’re asked to care for a newborn while our own bodies are still bleeding, aching, and trying to mend.
You cannot “bounce back” from birth because birth is not something you bounce back from. It’s something you heal from. And healing takes time, compassion, and support.
Hope and Healing Are Possible
I also want you to hear this: recovery is possible.
With the right support, sleep strategies, compassionate mental health care, medical guidance, and physical recovery, you can feel joy again. You can bond deeply with your baby. You can wake up and feel like yourself.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not about “getting back to normal.” It’s about creating a new version of yourself, one that is whole, supported, and cared for.
And you don’t have to walk that journey alone.
💜 If you are struggling, or know someone who is, please, please reach out for support:
999 in an emergency or 111 option 2 in crisis (UK)
Your GP, health visitor, or midwife
A trusted friend, partner, or family member
You are not a bad mother. You are not failing. You are a mother in pain who deserves care, rest, and support. And as both a mental health nurse and an infant sleep consultant, I want you to know, help is out there, and you don’t have to carry this alone.
Danni x